Coping with Aging Parents
Hanging up the car keys
Telling your parents or other relatives that they shouldn't be driving anymore can be one of the most difficult discussions to have. Driving probably gives them a sense of freedom. It makes them feel like they're in control of their lives and still able to do the things they love.
Unfortunately, as your parents and relatives get older, some of them reach a point when it's no longer safe for them to be behind the wheel. The problem is, when that time comes, they may not realize their skills are fading. Or they suspect but don't want to admit that something they once mastered may be gone for good. So, how do you go about getting them to hand over their keys and give up driving?
Think of it as "tough love." Even though you might upset them at first, if you believe a parent or relative is putting themselves and others at risk, it's something you have to do. It's important to let your parents know how you feel and help them understand why you feel that way.
First, make sure you're not having a knee-jerk reaction to their age. Just because a person reaches a specific birthday doesn't mean he or she can't be a safe driver. According to the AARP there are several warning signs to watch for. These include:
- Dents and scrapes on their cars
- Slower response time
- Medical conditions or medications that may affect their driving ability
- Frequent traffic tickets
- Trouble judging "gaps" in traffic
Again, it's not just a matter of age. Many elderly people put their long driving experience to good use, driving safer than their children or grandchildren. Still, research shows that, on average, elderly drivers may be more likely to be involved in certain types of accidents.
Think about it:
- Drivers age 65 and older are 16 percent more likely to be in a two-car accident than drivers between the ages of 25 and 64. (RAND)
- The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) found that drivers over the age of 75 are 10 percent more likely than 30–59-year-olds to be involved in a two-vehicle accident where the occupants of the other car sustain non-fatal injuries.
- Seniors are more fragile than younger drivers, and they have a harder time surviving serious accidents. According to the IIHS, the death rate for drivers over age 70 is higher than the rate for drivers between 30 and 59 years old.
- Older drivers are more likely to be found at fault when they are involved in an accident. (IIHS)
- As drivers advance in age, intersections pose a more serious threat. A study by the University of Kentucky showed that after reaching age 65, a driver's odds of getting into a crash that involves turning left increases 8 percent every subsequent year.
Talking it out:
Clearly, asking your parent or relative to stop driving isn't easy. They probably view their car as a symbol of their independence and will be reluctant to give it up. So, when you approach the subject:
- Let them know you care — This may sound simple but telling them that you love them and that you're doing this for their own protection may go a long way in getting them to accept what's happening.
- Be sensitive to their situation — Put yourself in their shoes and try to imagine how you'd feel if someone told you that it was no longer safe for you to drive.
- Provide alternatives — Don't just ask them to stop driving. Give them ideas of how they can use public transportation, car services for the elderly or other methods to still do what they want to do.
- Offer to give them rides — Maybe they'd like to see their family members more often. Work out a schedule with siblings or other relatives and take turns driving them around for a day. It can help bring you closer and show them how much you care.
- Don't go it alone — Try to include other family members in the discussion if possible. You'll present a united front and show them that you're serious about the situation.
- Do something good — Perhaps donating their car to a charity or local church will help them take what they may feel is a negative situation and put a positive spin on it.
Asking people you love to give up some of their freedom is hard. If you treat them with compassion and respect, you'll probably find the discussion will go more smoothly. No matter what, don't forget that you're doing this for their own good.
This article is provided for general, informational purposes only and is not intended as advice specific to your situation.
