Coping with Aging Parents
Mom, dad...you're not ready
The relationship between parent and child is a dynamic one, and one that shifts as children become adults and parents become seniors. Sometimes the shift is substantial enough that children ultimately become the caretakers for their elderly parents. While that situation can be difficult, it gets more complicated if no plan exists to explain what happens to your parents' estate when they die.
Between 50 to 70 percent of American adults have no will or estate plan. When people die without a will or with no formal plan in place, the courts in their states of residence decide what happens to everything they leave behind.
While you may have your parents' best interests in mind, remember that you take two major steps when you start talking to them about their estate planning needs. You step up as an authority figure in your relationship, and you insert yourself into their private financial affairs.
Some parents are open to their kids' involvement; others aren't. So, they may take your efforts as an intrusion or a threat. Because estate planning tends to focus on what happens after death, your parents may not want to discuss their estate. The conversation forces them to address the concept of their own mortality. They may also be embarrassed for not having a plan or for the resources they have to work with.
To have a constructive, positive discussion with your parents about their need to plan for what comes next, you need to be sensitive and flexible and understand possible options. Above all, you need to be a good listener.
Once you get them talking about how they want to handle their estate, you need to remember – it's their estate. And, if your parents are of sound mind and body when they make their decisions, you need to abide by those decisions — whether you agree with them or not. You shouldn't try to sway them into doing things, or providing things to you or others, that may make them uncomfortable.
Get them talking:
- Talking about your own plans might spark an interest in your parents wanting to discuss their plans. You may end up going through the process together.
- Focus on life...not death. Remind them that estate planning can help them live well, not die well.
- Make it about them! Show them that you're interested and committed to carrying out their wishes and that you need certain information to do that effectively.
- Ask your parents to consider that no plan may mean additional heartache and expense for those left behind as they work to resolve the legal issues involving the estate.
- Be sure they know you're not just thinking about what happens to their belongings, but also addressing questions regarding their health, long-term care, accidents and more.
- Encourage them to speak to a professional who can help them create an effective plan.
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Learn more about estate planning.
This article is provided for general, informational purposes only and is not intended as advice specific to your situation.
