Discussing Life Changes
And baby makes...
The decision to have kids is gigantic. It’s the moment you say, "I’m ready to be a parent." The moment when you know, you’re ready to bring a new life into this world, to care for, nurture, educate, discipline and everything else for the rest of whatever…always. And, while that may take a moment to decide, it’s a lifelong, life-altering commitment leading to some of the most frustrating and most fulfilling times of your life.
Because it’s such a big decision, the mere mention of kids can have some of the most levelheaded partners jittery, quaking with fear and looking for a way out of the room.
While that reaction may be your first clue that your partner isn’t ready for such extra responsibility, it’s your life too. You deserve the chance to discuss the matter as you think about and plan your future.
The key to discussing starting a family is getting your partner to stay put long enough for you to get your thoughts out. When you’re both in the room, start the talk by:
- Setting the ground rules. Make it known that you aren’t making decisions right now, you’re expressing your thoughts and feelings. Tell your partner that you’d like him or her to hear you and that you’re ready to listen.
- Be real. Don’t put more weight on the issue than it already has. You don’t want to have a child for the wrong reasons. It’s not likely to change who a person is. It’s not likely to repair a broken or wounded relationship. It may not bring you closer as a couple. It can be a very enriching experience but, like everything in life, it won’t all be cherries and rainbows.
- Showing you’ve thought things through. Your partner wants to know that you’ve worked past the romanticism of having a baby. Show how you understand that your life is likely to change, the expenses that come with raising a child and that you know what some of the longer-term aspects of child rearing are.
- Be ready to listen. No matter how well you make your case for starting a family, your partner may just not be ready. Some people never are! Be ready to listen to what your partner tells you about the issue so you understand why he or she feels that way.
Having children can be a great experience for parents ready and willing to take on the challenge with excitement, energy and dedication. It’s a life-altering decision that definitely needs discussing.
This article is provided for general, informational purposes only and is not intended as advice specific to your situation.
