Discussing Life Changes
Lost in transition?
Statistics say we spend 60 to 70 percent of our lives working. That adds up to a whole lot of time.
If we spend that much time working, we should find something enjoyable and somewhat fulfilling about the work we do, right? Sometimes we find ourselves doing one thing that we "endure" for a while as a stepping stone to something we really want to do. Sometimes that step leads to a move, and maybe the next to longer hours, or lots of travel, perhaps for extended periods.
In today's workplace, change is the only constant. Often partnered with a healthy dose of ambiguity, change can create great stress for everyone who works and everyone who supports them. Change can happen so fast and so frequently, that we may often find ourselves in reactionary mode as far as our career or life planning goes. We can find ourselves spending more time trying to figure out where the next step is amidst the change, or if there is a next step at all.
Building a career often calls for personal sacrifice, understanding, flexibility and communication for everyone involved. And it's a difficult path to walk when you feel someone you know may be lost in the transition between one job and another.
Let's say you and your partner both work. You've been together seven years. Your partner has worked hard to build his, or her, career. They see great things ahead, if only they could ride this next assignment out and get that next promotion. This may be true.
But, as you see it, this would be the fifth job change in seven years, involving three different companies and the next promotion requires a move several states away to a larger city with a higher cost of living. Your partner says that if he or she puts in another year, they'll be in the perfect position to jump up yet another level...and another move. Despite these visions of heading onward and upward, it seems to you that each job change brings in little extra money, takes more and more time and seems to distract from some of the other goals you've both talked about — like starting a family. You want to be supportive, but you can't help but wonder where this is all really going.
Talking about another's career goals and work/life balance often requires a delicate approach. Remember, you want to discuss the very thing that person spends 60 to 70 percent of his, or her, life doing. Still, as an equal partner in the relationship, you have the right to communicate your feelings and concerns, too.
Setting the stage:
- Be sure you know what you want to talk about before you get started. What are your concerns and feelings and do they relate to these job transitions or something else?
- Stick to the facts.
- Be ready to listen.
- Don't draw conclusions; you're no better at seeing the future than your partner.
- Don't attack your partner's work ethic, position or place of employment.
- Be ready to express your own desires for personal and professional growth.
- Try to see where your goals and objectives meet and where they may drift apart. Are you working for more money or prestige, recognition or opportunity, etc.?
Moving forward:
The fact of the matter is, despite your questions and concerns, there may be no quick and easy answers. Who's to say how things will work out...ever? It's more important that you both establish the basic ground rules for how you want to proceed together and agree to follow those rules.
- Be clear on what you both want from your careers and your home life, and use that as a guide for the future.
- Establish what each of you will do to support the other. Who is willing to move? Who is willing to change jobs? Who is willing to give up what, and when?
- Agree that if and when it's time to make a decision, no decision is made without input from the other.
- Agree to consider and discuss your family budget, income, expenses, savings, retirement plans and other financial aspects before agreeing to make a move.
- Determine if a move for more money is really a better move financially, what criteria you'll use to decide that and how you'll proceed together.
Many believe that we should work to live, not live to work. It's hard to keep that in mind when you get caught up in the things around you and the fast pace that everything runs at these days. Making your personal long-term goals your priority, and communicating them, will help you keep your professional ambitions in check and help prevent you from making change for the sake of change.
More about job transitions.
This article is provided for general, informational purposes only and is not intended as advice specific to your situation.
