Moving Forward: Teens and Parents
Tattoo you
On the road to independence, one of the first muscles teens try to stretch is the self-expression muscle. They start to explore the world around them to find those things that help define who they are and what they stand for. What they find and decide to take on can vary anywhere from posters, quotes and new music to banners, political affiliations and more.
It's increasingly popular for that exploration to include the realm of body art. Some see it as a positive, edgy and exciting way to commit to an idea or identity. Others may see it in a negative light, possibly as harmful or distasteful.
Either way, if the topic comes up, you can’t hide from it and you may find yourself wanting to "put your foot down" or have "the last word" on the issue. Keep this in mind: If your teens tell you about their interest in piercing or tattooing at all, they're opening the doorway to a conversation and you should take it. If your teens don't talk to you about it, they probably feel they know what your response will be and it's not what they want to hear. That, too, is another opportunity to open the lines of communication.
Wherever you fall on the issue of body art, don’t shut down the conversation before it even starts. Try these tips to help get the topic out in the open:
- Remember... you're talking to a teen. Teens typically don't like people telling them what to do, especially parents. Try asking them about their thoughts and ideas and steer away from telling them how you handled things or telling them what to do. Plus…they’ll want to know you're really listening.
- Face facts. You want your kids to be comfortable expressing themselves and sharing who they are with the world. On the other hand, life is long and what they stand for today, may not be what they stand for tomorrow. You might mention to them that the marks they intend to make are fairly permanent. If they were to wait even a short time…would they feel differently? In fact, you might suggest a waiting period to ensure they know what they're doing.
- What’s the motivation? You might ask what inspired their decision. Are all of your child's friends doing it? Does the symbol or action mean something to them or to others? Is it a dare, or are they being pressured to do this? You don't want to sound as if you're accusing them or their friends of doing anything wrong, so stay even and talk with interest instead of suspicion.
- Be there for them. Getting a tattoo or a piercing may be something they want to do to bond with their friends, but you have a right and responsibility to know where your kids are and what they're doing. If you decide together that a tattoo or piercing is appropriate, you might help them pick the place they go to, just to make sure it's safe. You might offer to go with them, which may also be a factor in whether they actually go through with it. If they do, make sure they take care of the work that’s been done so they remain healthy.
You can't stop anyone from expressing themselves as they'd like to, but you can talk about what they plan to do, how they plan to do it and what they can expect once it's done. In some cases, you might be able to talk your child out of a tattoo or piercing. But if you can't, talking to them and keeping the lines of communication open will help ensure their safety and lets them know you care.
This article is provided for general, informational purposes only and is not intended as advice specific to your situation.
