Talking to Your Partner
But, that’s my spouse!
Maintaining solid family relationships can be hard. And as families expand, it rarely gets easier. But what do you do if your own parents don’t care much for your spouse?
It’s not hard to imagine. Because you’re their child, your parents are likely to think highly of you and may think no one would ever be good enough for you. When you find someone special to share your life with, they may feel as though that person is taking you away from them.
The impact can be minor, such as an off-hand remark, or full-blown estrangement. Either way, in the end someone gets hurt. If your parents are making your home life difficult, you need to get them talking about what’s going on and how to stop it before it gets out of control.
Check out these tips for getting started:
- Get things out in the open. Basically, you need to face the issue head-on. If your parents haven’t already told you why they don’t care for your partner, ask them. If they say “nothing” or beat around the bush a bit, you may have to be more direct. You can’t work on a resolution until you’ve figured out the problem, and letting things simmer or flare up won’t do anyone any good.
- Explain your side. Be kind, but firm and tell them what you feel is going on and the impact it’s having on your relationship.
- Explain your spouse’s side. Your spouse has a role in this, and you may want to include him or her in the discussion with your parents.
- Be specific, without attacking. Your parents may not be aware of the problems they’re causing. You might consider giving them a few specific examples of when their interactions with your spouse have caused trouble. You don’t want them to get defensive, because that may cut off the conversation before you accomplish anything.
- Agree to disagree. If you can’t get your parents to see your point of view, your resolution may be that you both disagree. It’s probably not the best solution, but from there you can talk through a set of rules aimed at making your situation, at a minimum, civil.
- Establish some ground rules. Many say that politics and religion are things people can’t discuss because they ignite strong emotional responses. If there are specific topics or actions that trigger problems in your home life, talk about those and how you will address them. Ask your parents to respect your decisions and your relationship, because in this situation, you probably know best.
A parent is a parent from the day their child is born to the end of time. Rarely does anyone make it successfully down the path of parenthood without a few bumps and hurdles. You must believe that your parents have your best interests at heart. But if they begin to make the life you’ve chosen to live more difficult than it needs to be, you need to talk it out — sooner rather than later.
This article is provided for general, informational purposes only and is not intended as advice specific to your situation.
