Talking to Your Partner
I'll take one!
It's Saturday morning. You decide to tackle the yard work before it gets too hot. Your partner needs to run to the store for some milk and bread. Three hours later, you come in to see your partner unloading a mound of shopping bags from the morning’s travels. As you look over the pile, you see some things that make sense, but a lot of it seems to be just…stuff.
You've seen this before. You'd like to talk about it, but impulse buying can be a very uncomfortable discussion to have, especially when your partner often provides a fairly reasonable rationale for the purchases. Still…
People buy on impulse for many reasons. It could be the advertising they see. It could be that they actually need certain things and forgot to include them on the list. It could be they just can't help themselves. It becomes a problem when the compulsion becomes a serious addiction that can lead to financial trouble.
If you're seeing what you think is a trend, it's better to address it upfront before the problem gets out of hand. Here are some tips on how to do that:
- Don't accuse. It's easy to say flat out, you're buying too much stuff. Starting with "you always…," or "you never…," will do little to open a conversation. It makes you sound as if you're attacking the other person and that shuts down a conversation fast.
- Ask questions. Try to find out what the purchases are for and why your partner had to buy them right away. Listen to the answers and try to understand his or her side of the situation.
- What are you feeling? You're likely to get further in the conversation if you talk through what you're feeling about the recent purchases instead of what you think you know. And while you don't want to sound accusatory, you have the right to share your feelings and your concerns about what's going on.
- Pay attention. Big impulse buyers may not even realize what they're doing or the amount of money they're spending. If you've noticed a trend, try to talk about the things you've seen and how you feel it's affecting your financial situation. Stick to the facts and show how it may be having an impact on your finances.
- Lend a hand. If your partner's spending is having a significant effect, try to talk about ways to approach a resolution together. Work exclusively from a shopping list. Talk about going shopping together to help each other curb impulse spending. Take a good hard look at what you've acquired, why you've made the purchase and what you can do to spend more effectively.
You may need to approach impulse spending the way you might any addiction. You both need to acknowledge that a problem exists and talk through it together to reach a resolution. It’s that open communication that helps strengthen a relationship and helps you reach your long-term goals.
This article is provided for general, informational purposes only and is not intended as advice specific to your situation.
