Talking to Your Partner
When she’s a “yes” and he’s a “no”
It seems to happen at some point in every relationship. Sometimes when it comes to money, one is a spender and one is a saver. And while that may be all right for the short term, over the long haul it can lead to some real tension.
That’s not to say the “yes” person and the “no” person are constantly at odds. It may be that they both have the same goals and objectives and that they’re both willing to work very hard for what they want. But their ideas of how to get things may vary substantially and that’s where trouble lurks.
Let’s say both people want a new refrigerator. The “yes” wants it now, with all the bells, whistles and added features. The “yes” is willing to open a store credit card to buy it, will take it at any cost and will figure out how to pay for it later. The “no” on the other hand wants to wait and save to avoid another monthly credit payment. The “no” wants to shop around for the best bargain and buy only the features they need.
Maybe the “yes” is an impulsive buyer that acquires things the “no” didn’t know was part of their plan. Maybe the “yes’ thinks that if they keep putting off getting what they want they’ll never get it, while the “no” is confident they will, but it may take time.
You can see where the conflict starts to brew.
The only way to ensure peace is for the “yes” and the “no” to start talking and keep talking. But, because it’s about money and personal buying habits, it can be a hard conversation to start.
Consider these tips for getting that conversation going:
- Don’t make it personal. You’re talking about money and the best ways to go about getting what both of you want. It’s all about compromise. You’ll get farther in the conversation if you stick to the issue at hand and avoid making statements that could sound like you’re attacking each other.
- Avoid “always” and “never.” General statements like “You always buy things on impulse,” or “You never want to buy anything,” can do more damage than good. They’re probably not true and can derail your conversation by making the person you’re talking to defensive and upset.
- Get the facts. Understand what it takes to save for something, or purchase something, and how it affects your situation. Is it better to buy now at a lower price with credit? Is it better to avoid more credit debt and possible fees? Is the item likely to go down in price anytime soon? Is there only a limited amount and this is your only chance to buy? Understanding what you want and what it takes to get it will help keep your conversation on track.
- Compromise. It’s a life lesson. Life is full of compromises. You are either willing to bend, accept and change, or you’re not. If no one is willing to compromise, you probably have other things to discuss. See where you can both move toward to the middle of the issue to find your happy common ground.
Everybody has a different way of doing things. No one way is right, or wrong, all the time. When you live with someone who approaches something differently than you do, like spending money, the one best way to meet your goals and reduce conflict is to talk…and listen.
This article is provided for general, informational purposes only and is not intended as advice specific to your situation.
